You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
