Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
