so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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