I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
