Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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