i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
