She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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