what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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