Screwed.edu
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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