Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
