My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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