I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
