Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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