I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
