carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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