I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
