I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
