Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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