we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
