we have pet lesbian snakes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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