What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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