i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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