you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
