I heard we made out
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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