Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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