I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
