just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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