He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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