I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
