ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
