I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
