Your mouth is God's brothel.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
