Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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