I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
