do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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