Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
