boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
