Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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