someone owes me an orgasm
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
