the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
