Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
