I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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