I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
