I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
ok first of all what the fuck
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
