new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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