hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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