Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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