She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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