college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
