I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
