I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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