i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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