mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
