I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
