I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
