what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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