I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018