i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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