honey bunches of taint.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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