Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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