I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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