I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My vagina is officially offended.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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