Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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