apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
