i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
