i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
