Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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