my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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