Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
