I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
